I started seeing a therapist to address issues I’ve been having with Social Anxiety and some depression.
She charged $125 for our first visit, each one thereafter is $100. A little expensive yes but I think it’s worth it. I was in denial for the longest time.
What I haven’t mentioned on this blog is that I’ve spend over a year looking for friends online and the past 3 trying to make friends in general (with mixed luck).

Labor day weekend was particularly hard for me. One part because my mouth has been hurting and two because I felt such an intense feeling of loneliness. I laid in bed most of the day yesterday, only going out to walk the dog. On social media I saw friends post pictures having fun on the water, at barbecues, etc. I was wallowing in misery inside the house wishing someone would just ask me to do anything.

Today was much better though. Got a decent amount of sleep. Actually took a lunch break at work. Immediately after work I walked / sprinted 3.67 miles for an hour at a pace of 16:21 min/mi. Then I went shopping at Tom Thumb. Boyfriend made some delish matzo ball soup.

Last week our plumber came and fixed the downstairs shower. $250 later you can actually take a shower in warm water instead of ice cold. Bf wants to redo our bathroom upstairs and to do that we need one functional bathroom. Tomorrow a new handyman is supposed to take a look at some work we need done to the house. Minor work, like fixing doors that don’t close all the way, hanging closet that is dangling from the wall and sliding closet doors that don’t actually slide but instead get stuck and frustrate the hell out of me when all I wanted to do was pick out a pair of pants…

The old handyman I tried to have come by on two different occasions and no followup on his end. On top of that, the work he did to fix our showers didn’t hold up. So money down the drain figuratively speaking. Hopefully the local guy I found online is better.

So I’ve learned a few things about myself the last week:

  1. I have to take a break at work. If I don’t, I feel like I’m losing my sanity. Start to tread work and literally feel like a slave to money / the job.
  2. Plan things with friends. Things don’t happen with a plan for me. They used to, but not here. Not with early-stage friendships.
  3. I don’t like being alone. While I am introverted, the feeling of being by myself really takes a toll after a while. Especially on the weekends. I dreaded the weekends / not going into work for the longest time because of that.
  4. I need exercise. Without even maintaining my health, I start to feel down pretty quick.
  5. I don’t need to eat meat all the time. Could go 85% vegetarian and not really care. It can be significantly cheaper as well depending on how you plan it. Not to mention I feel more energetic without having to digest a huge portion of meat.

That’s my random post of the day. Hope you enjoyed. 😛

2 thoughts on “Therapy

  1. I am glad you are in therapy. I don’t know you, but what you describe as the way you feel is how I felt when I was first diagnosed as being clinically depressed. The therapy will help greatly. I also take antidepressants, and the combo works very well for me. I was also worried to be alone with my thoughts on the weekends – it made me very stressed out to not have my whole life planned out. As for meeting friends, yes, it can be very, very tough. In the beginning of friendships, you really do need to put yourself out there. And if someone says that they aren’t interested in having the same level of friendship that you may want, then you know what? They’re not worth your time. I would personally have a few very good friends than to have tons of very superficial friendships.

    This was one of my favorite posts of yours. You really put yourself out there. I hope it helped. I always find it cathartic.

    • Sorry for the late reply but I wanted to thank you for sharing your story with me. I’m glad you’ve been able to find something that works for you. It’s been tough to shake that feeling of self-pity when I don’t have plans with anyone. Just need to keep myself busy. With or without someone else. Bf left this morning to go out for an interview and will be back late Monday night.

      Great point about putting yourself out there. That’s exactly what I’m doing now. I have had people message me, conversation seems like it’s going pretty well and all of a sudden they vanish. Just not meant to be I suppose.

      Thanks for the comments as always. 🙂 You’ve proven to me that I’m not just writing in this blog for myself, haha.

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